Last night I tuned into the Grumpy Guide To The Eighties, now I like the Grumpy Guide series on telly, well, a grumpy old fucker like myself likes to join in, but the reason I’ve decided to write about this is my very own grump about these programs. In case your not familiar with the format of the program, a subject is taken, in this case the 80’s, and a bunch of celebrities are asked to recollect their memories of what happened and if possible relate to their involvement in them, with a grumpy negative attitude of course. So in this program the usual culprits are displayed on screen and the first subject spoken about, which in this case was the game show 3, 2, 1, with Ted Rodgers, then they got on the the terrible music, fashion, politics, mobile phones, computer games and finally the “mullet” hairstyle.
Celebrities asked to participate were, Matt Le Tissier, Neil Morrissey, Roni Ancona, Al Murray, Terry Christian, Ed Byrne, Shappi Khorsandi Huey Morgan and Russell Kane………. yeah, the comedian Russell Kane, asked to comment on the subject of why the 80’s was shit and how it affected his life, let me tell you readers, Russell kane was born in August 1980!
Now I do quite like the comedic talents of the aforementioned Mr Kane but to hear him recollect his memories of the 80’s was, well, how do I put it…….. infuriating to say the least. let’s just put this in perspective, the first two years of Mr Kane’s life in the 80’s were spent gurgling inane noises, sucking on his mothers tit and soiling himself, then a couple of years toddling about, learning to walk, talk and stuffing marbles and Lego up his nose, then he would start school, now this would take him up to 1985 or so. In the years leading up to this what have we been through in this time line, well, Thatcher has started closing Coal Mines, Steel Works and creating Yuppies and mass unemployment, we were marching on a regular basis for such causes as CND, Right To Work, and many others, while Mr Kane sits around shitting his nappy with not a care. So not much for him to remember for the first five years.
1986 onwards would see the young Mr Kane strap on his satchel and begin primary school, now some memories would be able to recounted, if the show required memories on Little Billy pulling the pigtails on Little Jenny and how his action man doll got flushed down the toilet. The only thing I think Mr kane could comment with any authority would be the music of the time, we all have musical memories that hark back to our younger days, how the fuck can he comment on Thatcher, Miners Strikes, Anti Poll Tax riots, using a mobile phone, being unemployed, the Falklands war, going to Camden Palace with the rest of the New Romantics, he can’t, he can only go on what he’s read or been told by others, therefore why is he on this show, you would be as well getting me to comment on “The Grumpy Guide To The 60’s”, I could tell all the viewers about how great it was going to Brighton on my scooter, and buying the latest records by The Beatles or the Who, where I was was when Kennedy was shot, the list goes on, but the truth is yes I know these things happened, I was alive at the time but I was a fucking infant, if I’m truthful, really all I can remember was sitting in puddles licking worms, and I’m sure the great british public have no interest in that.
Mr Kane, when asked to participate in these shows please think before accepting, I understand you want to get your face on the screen, and possibly need the apperance money, but at the cost of making an arse of yourself ? I don’t think it’s worth it.
‘Till the next time…….
Stay Grumpy !