Charity Hilarity!

Thank you to the BBC and hundreds of fading celebrities and entertainers for inflicting yet another futile and banal Comic Relief on us all this week, laugh, I would have if it wasn’t all so pathetic.

Has it never occurred to the likes of Lenny Henry, Bob Geldof, Jonathan Ross etc that if charity could solve people’s problems it would have done so by now?
Does anybody seriously believe Africa* (to take an example), is a healthier and more prosperous continent now than it was before Live Aid? Of course it is not, throwing large sums of money at a problem does not make that problem go away. People are poor, people are sick, people are fucked over because of global capitalism, not because Mrs Smith of Glasgow has failed to send £10 to an appeal fronted by glory seeking celebrities nor by buying the latest charity offering by One Direction.
What it does is it allows the celebrities taking part to alleviate their guilt for subjecting us to their privileged lives for the majority of the year and expect us to part with more of our hard earned cash, cash that we don’t really have in the first place, thanks bankers! (this is not rhyming slang).
If all the celebrities gave up a months salary to these charities we would not need to be pestered every few years with this nonsense as the money they could donate would far surpass any meagre offerings the general public might have.

Also what really has become so offensive about Comic Relief is the way so many big employers, and their personnel departments use it as a day to show how much they care. These organisations spend 364 days a year pillaging the earth and fucking over the little man on the street and now they are suddenly devoting one day to saving it and expect us all to say “how great they are, look at Mr Jones from accounting sitting in a bath full of beans in his undercrackers for eight hours, he must really care” does he fuck he just wants to get on the telly for acting like a moron. I would gladly donate to this scam if, Mr Jones from accounting was ritually hunted down and shot for being a dickhead in the first place.
Now this attitude has got me a name in my office due to the fact that I openly air my opinion on these charity events, whether they be on the telly or just a sheet sent round the office for local charities. Anybody in the office who does not want to wear a big red nose and a pair of silly trousers is instantly labelled as at best a misery guts, or at worst some sort of inadequate who cannot relate to his or her colleagues. Even worse is the way senior management are portrayed as incredibly zany generous guys because for one day a year they wear a silly shirt, donate £50 and allow a few of the junior ranks to have a laugh in the office.

The original tagline for Live Aid was “Feed The World”, well, it might have been relevant once but now they should change the slogan to “Feed My Ego” for I don’t believe for one minute that all these celebrities are not doing this to promote themselves let alone the actual charity,

*DISCLAIMER – other oppressed countries are available for charity donations.

‘Till the next time…..
Anarchy, Peace, Freedom, Equality.